thefantods

38

Dear B, Who knows how I would start? When was the last time I had to formulate an opening. There was a time I’d have thought of one, second thing in the morning, after thinking of you. There was a time. The best books are the ones that make you want to write; your mindContinue reading “38”

Richard

Twenty years later, I don’t know if it was real or if I had dreamed it up, or created an elaborate fantasy. K was the first woman I knew to have her own flat; unshared, unmarried, in the heart of the central business district of Metro Manila. It was a studio, though I don’t knowContinue reading “Richard”

Padraig

In the light of day, he was sallow and all angles, a chin that was strong and weak at the same time. His blue eyes grew darker and you could see traces of his teenage acne on his cheekbones. I hated seeing him in daylight; I found him so ordinary, borderline unattractive, which would circleContinue reading “Padraig”

Anna Karenina, or the fine balance between fate and fortunes

If I believed in reincarnation, I told my former shrink at one of our last sessions, I’d say I was probably Russian in a former life. She laughed and said, I can see that (she had always tolerated this kind of quasi-serious flippancy from me, but then grilled me when I was glib). I toldContinue reading “Anna Karenina, or the fine balance between fate and fortunes”

A brief review of Peaky Blinders

I’ve started having dreams where I forget to wear masks indoors. It’s the pandemic equivalent of the “naked in the middle of the cafeteria” dream. Over the last few weeks, I breezed through the violent, charismatic, intolerable tragicomedy that is the first five seasons of Peaky Blinders. Cillian Murphy, man… what a beautiful man; aContinue reading “A brief review of Peaky Blinders”

Earworm: Cornflake Girl

Someone leaves a bottle of pop in the middle of the table. Pop foam goes all across the table, all 360 degrees; the asshole had shaken the bottle before placing it there. We all get up off our bench seats in unison, pushing each other out of the way, our rubber soles already feeling sticky.Continue reading “Earworm: Cornflake Girl”

All my exes end up with accidental children

An ex boyfriend sent me an email today saying he was having a child, not having quite planned it. It – the email – wasn’t completely out of the blue – we are amicable and usually kept in touch once or twice a year – but it was still a surprise for me to readContinue reading “All my exes end up with accidental children”

Rolf/Rafa

In the dream, his name was Rolf but his face was Rafa’s (I suppose my brain is prone to culturally appropriating Germanic names, my own included). Anyway, the dream starts a few months into the COVID lockdown and he and I have not seen each other in a while. It didn’t help, apparently, that atContinue reading “Rolf/Rafa”

The Swan

The swan flew in on a wet Monday morning; I didn’t notice her until midday when her great white form floated into view as I was clearing dishes from the sink. Her mate was nowhere to be found. She spent the rest of that Monday in the water, taking turns cleaning her undercoat and sleeping,Continue reading “The Swan”

The Last Conversation

The last conversation we have is on the rooftop of a Hong Kong hotel the year I was supposed to go home with Constantine, but then he left me, like I left you. You have a cigarette and I look at the swimmers on the pool, kids wearing arm floaters, little butts in ruffled swimsuitsContinue reading “The Last Conversation”